Well I need to try to post way more often.� Well...it's a new beginning!� Tracee didn't go to Mid Winter Recess (in Dallas, Tx) as her father did not come thru and he promised.�� As a matter fact, no one has heard from him since he promised the money by Dec. 15th (2009); it's now Jan 5th, and he has contact her at all...NOTHING!� He's a piece of work!!
Monday Jan 4, 2009. This morning I woke up ready to do this. I still feel this way. I hope this means I am on the right track this time! I ate pretty good today and did 15 mins of cardio and 15 mins of other type of exercise. This is good for me. I am hoping to increase this each day. I will eat healthy and eat the way I can live the rest of my life. I thought about doing a fad diet to ensure I reached my goal but I would feel guilty because it is not a life style change. I am feeling a little hungry and think I will drink something because it is to late to eat. I will go to bed on my first day of my new life feeling proud!
It was Saturday and I was working.� Lila was with me and we just lunged Libertine and then left.� He seemed to enjoy it, but number of bucks and plays was less than the first time.
Had a fun night last night lots of wondering but ended up in this crazy building at a loft party and it's rooftop terrace....pretty good!! and of course the inflatable moose head we found hahaha!
So I'm excited for twenty ten!! really I have no idea where it is gonna lead me but so far it's been very very relaxing!!
So I spent the afternoon with the australian guy Lee I met at Roses holiday party a few weeks ago.......wasn't super thrilled but I thought why not maybe I would be surprised and see if I had any interest in him you know and turns out I don't I kind of feel bad that I might have lead him on but it was one date and he was def interested and I was not but on the other hand I got to use my new camera!! It is so fantastic!! Looking forward to new years!!� Also went for a walk today trying to get this five pounds off!! hahaha! too much butter.....
I think god works in strange ways. you know why i think so? because when the whole world tells me to go after this 19 year old who has constantly flirted with me and i will add that he is friends with my sisters boyfriend he is the guy i always find myself crying over. Recently i was cheated on and i have been looking for someone who would understand that and i really thought it was him. So, many things we've said to each other that made it seem that him and i would maybe work. He called me beautiful instead of hott, he always i.ms trying to catch my attention but, he flirts with my friend amanda too. I know what you're thinking - WELL OBVIOUSLY, if hes flirting with your friend that hes a total manwhore. Yes people i am aware of that but, when he flirts with her its more of a "i wanna fuck around with you attitude". But..when hes talk to me it's more of a deep conversation where its like he has respect for me. I really dont know. So, anyways how i found out he was like this was last night while we were sitting inside the place where he worked. His friend said to him "Man, you gotta stop tryna get wit all these girls." and my heart dropped. you know that feeling in your chest like you wanna cry and scream and your so mad? Well, that was running through my body. So, what shocked me the most was his response "They dont care." Like he has NO respect for girls. So, then�i think�back to all the conversations we've had....and i just sat there and looked away and i was just silent. What more could i do? Im so sick of getting hurt. That pain is just so overwhelming it affects everything and not having anyone to confide in when the rest of the world was against you when YOU yourself was the victim it hurts..I remember every night for the past 2 and a half weeks i cried myself to sleep. I couldnt be alone, or that pain would just overwhelm me like, i couldnt even control myself. None, even gave a shit all they did was talk about me and how being depressed was STUPID?.. When i say that human beings are disgusting and vile im not lying. theyre so vindictive(sp?) and selfish and so ignorant that all they think about is themselves and they find ways to bring people down out of jealousy or maybe just because theyre hateful people. But then that leaves the 11% of the world that care about other people and are so understanding and good. I wish we could just unite because i know that that would be pure peace. Anyways, so i always get these vibes from people, you know? like if they were bad people or good people or�maybe a misunderstood person like myself. So, the vibe i got from James, well truth is i never really cared what vibe i got just loved him he was so amazing i just found myself liking him and didnt care what vibes i got. So, back to the situation, a few nights ago he told me about his ex. How she used him, cheated on him, and she hurt him. That reflected on how he said 'they dont care' like he wanted to get back on girls for how how much hurt he felt? If you could understand that. Maybe, he was still hurting inside and getting with girls made him feel better or better yet that he tried to take that pain away or make it subside like the pain i had that hurtful pain. Sometimes, i understand people well thats a lie ALL THE TIME I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE. I understand how they act, what resulted to them acting like that. My fear is that im wrong maybe Amanda was right 'hes 19! what do you expect?' but, if you've been cheated on..wouldnt you have learned already??.. I dont know.�i am so confused sometimes i dont even know what im saying. UGHHHH. Lets see what happens in the future, i might as well stay away from him. Its the best thing to do..right?
Trace 61, Female, USA - 38 entries
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